If you’re on dating apps, you know the struggle. Online dating is tough… Unanswered messages to “hey” conversations that go nowhere, priceless WTF moments and ghosting, I’ve been there and done that.
The struggle is real for many of us — but so is the glow-up, I think.
If you’re on dating apps or heard stories about these from friends, you surely know the struggle. Online dating is tough. Countless unanswered messages. “Hi” openers that go nowhere. Random “wyd?” texts at 11:47 PM from someone that’s been ghosting you for weeks. Priceless WTF moments. And of course… ghosting. A lot of ghosting.
I’ve been there, done that. Stared at my screen wondering how someone can go from “You’re amazing 😍” to disappearing like they joined witness protection. It’s like “Hey did you just meet someone else or did something happen to you?”
Online dating be like: 50% hope for literally anyone who downloads the apps, 50% confusion for most of us, 100% emotional struggle for all of us.
But here’s the thing: Online dating may feel chaotic, exhausting, and mildly soul-crushing at times… it can work. You just need strategy, boundaries, and a little emotional intelligence.
Let’s break it down in more detail. Read to the end for more updates about how you can win at online dating.
The Struggles We Don’t Talk About Enough
1. The “Hey/Hi” Epidemic
You match. You’re excited.
You might even take initiative and send over a nice, funny, witty, inspirational, or whatever opener.
You show personality, humor, anything else you have to offer.
They reply: “Hi,” barely managing to write a whole sentence.
Never asking a question.
And just like that, you’re carrying the entire conversation like it’s a monologue and you’re paid for it.
Why it happens:
Some people are bored. Some don’t know how to communicate. Some are mass-messaging everyone.
I’d say: they are simply too little interested. Could be because of having hundreds of matches and getting a huge volume of messages.
Reality check: If someone shows low effort early on, that’s usually their baseline — not a phase. More on, they might not be that interested for whatever reason.
2. The Endless Pen Pal
You text for days. You vibe. You start imagining how the first date could go.
Then days turns into weeks. Then maybe even months.
But when you take initiative and suggest to actually meet each other? Suddenly they’re either ghosting you, 3 months in Thailand, or super busy so you can’t even find a single spot in their calendar.
Why it happens:
Sad reality is that dating apps are for many folks out there just entertainment channels. It gives them the validation and attention they desire, helps them to fill a hole inside them, or even allows them to dip their feet into unknown waters while still being in a relationship. Others are already half-committed elsewhere and may spin multiple plates to secure the best one or to have a few backups if one does not work out.
Red flag: If someone you meet online avoids meeting or ignores your invitations to get to know each other in real life after your vibing and after potentially already chatting for quite some time, they might just want validation and not a relationship.
3. Ghosting: The Modern Epidemic
Either everything’s going well, you chat, the other person shows interest. But then… silence.
No explanation. No closure. No answers to your messages and even to your friendly remindres. .Just confusion (for you).
Ghosting stings because it leaves you questioning so many things:
- Did I say something wrong?
- Did something happen to the other person?
Truth: Ghosting says more about their communication skills than your worth so try to shake it off whenever it happens. Get ready to get ghosted a lot, it happens unbelievably often. Take it as a reminder not to ghost others and to treat them with respect. If you’re not interested any longer, be open about it and communicate it in an honest manner.
4. The “Situationship” Trap
Okay, this last one may more often, come later down the line. But it also happens online so let’s include it.
You talk every day. You envision how your future with that other person could look like. You already have your own inside jokes. But if you bring up actual meetings and plans for the future, suddenly they “aren’t ready for labels like dating.” So all of a sudden you’re not dating and the other person is just looking for a friendship.
Translation: They want the benefits without the responsibility or you just got friendzoned.
Why Online Dating Feels So Hard
Online dating removes context and it’s one of the thoughest market places out there. Yes, it’s superficial. Yes, you’ll be evaluated and rejected within seconds. Purely based on your looks, not on your personality. You’re judging (and being judged) in seconds based on:
- Photos
- A short bio (if people actually take the time to read these)
- Vibes through the first few texts
There’s also endless options, especially when considering that dating apps are designed to make you swipe like a lot. While in real life, you would only have a few options of single people when you go out and meet people, it’s a completely different story online. Where there’s potentially hundreds or even thousands of people just in your close proximity.
And when people think there’s always “someone better” one swipe away, or they get a match with someone new and exciting on a daily basis, they don’t invest deeply, which can be a vicious circle.
It’s convenience culture mixed with emotional risk and a lot of uncertainty.
But here’s the good news… (read on, there’s a positive side to it).
How to Actually Succeed at Online Dating
1. Upgrade Your Profile (Profilemaxxing, anyone?)
Your profile isn’t a résumé, it’s a highlight reel of your personality. So spend a lot of time optimizing your profile. Interesting photos that show you doing your hobbies. Stand out from the masses. Have professional photos.
Do this instead:
- Use clear, recent photos.
- Include at least one full-body shot.
- Show hobbies or interests (not just mirror selfies).
- Write something specific in your bio.
Specific, attractive, interesting, curious, original = memorable.
2. Stop Sending Boring Messages
“Hey” is lazy. So is “What’s up?” and “Hi.”
“Wyd” is uninspired.
Try this formula:
- Comment on something in their profile. (Read their bio).
- Comment on their images, especially if they are doing something funny or memorable.
- Add a playful twist.
- Ask an open-ended question.
- Ask questions in general. Show interest.
Example:
“Okay, you said you make the best tacos. Bold claim. What’s your secret ingredient?”
Effort attracts effort. Plus it will also single out those who are not generally interested or not willing to commit to a conversation. As actually answering a deep question takes time to think, etc.
3. Don’t Over-Invest Too Early
It’s easy to get attached to potential. It’s easy to be swayed away just thinking about the future the both of you potentially may have. But remember: you don’t know this person yet.
Match energy.
Don’t double-text someone who hasn’t replied in two days.
Don’t be needy.
Don’t plan your wedding after one good conversation.
Pace protects your peace. Think about it. Internalize it.
4. Move Offline Sooner Than Later
If the vibe is good, suggest something simple:
- Coffee
- A walk
- A casual drink
You’ll learn more in one hour in person than in two weeks of texting. Plus, it may also show you quickly if there’s no vibe between the two of you in real life or if you are simply not interested in the other person, for whatever reason.
If they keep dodging? That’s your answer. Be thankful and move on. They have safed you a lot of time.
5. Set Standards And Stick To Them
Know what you want before you start swiping:
- Casual?
- Long-term?
- Marriage?
- Just vibes?
When you’re clear, you clearly stop entertaining people who aren’t aligned. Safes you even more time.
Clarity saves time.
6. Don’t Take It Personally (Ever!)
Not every match will work.
Not every date will click.
Not every conversation will turn into something meaningful.
Is not personal. The less you are invested in an outcome, the better.
That doesn’t mean you’re unattractive, boring, or unworthy. It’s just that people may be looking for something else. Or someone else. Or may even have totally unrealistic expectations.
Don’t take the dating game personal. It’s a huge market and everyone has a given demand while simultaneously being the product at the same time.
Online dating is filtering, not failing.
7. Take Breaks
If you feel drained, irritated, or cynical… log off. Take a break, deactivate the discovery feature.
Dating works best when you’re in a good mental space.
Burnout leads to bad choices and low standards.
Reset. Then return stronger. Or take it to real life, like people used to do it over thousands of years.
The Real Secret to Winning at Online Dating
Confidence.
Not the loud, arrogant kind.
The calm, secure kind.
Be that person. Not needy, not arrogant. Just be yourself. Boldly.
The kind that says:
- “If they ghost, that’s fine. Thank you for revealing your true colors so quickly”
- “If this doesn’t work, someone else will. I might be less than 100 swipes away from meeting my dream partner.”
- “I don’t chase, I attract.”
Online dating isn’t about convincing someone to choose you.
It’s about finding someone who naturally does. Someone who will stick with you, potentially for life.
Final Thoughts
Online dating be like:
- 30% excitement
- 30% confusion
- 20% disappointment
- 20% “maybe this one is different”
- 100% frustration.
It’s messy, totally unpredictable. It’s sometimes hilarious (but not often enough to be really joyful). Sometimes heartbreaking. Sometimes an unpleasant reality check.
But if you approach it with boundaries, self-awareness, self-confidence and a little strategy?
It becomes less of a battlefield and more of a filtering system that leads you exactly where you’re meant to be.
And when it finally clicks?
All the “hey” messages and ghosting stories become just part of the plot. The plot of you meeting your absolute dream partner.
Stay patient. Stay intentional. And please… retire the “wyd” texts. Don’t let discouragement get you down.
