90 Hilariously Funny Love Quotes


Love is a wonderful thing. In fact, it is perhaps the most powerful force in the universe. It is capable of acting as a transformative agent that turns negativity into something more positive. With love in your heart, almost anything is possible. No obstacle is too big to overcome and no person too rude to not have sympathy for their situation. Even more so, love possesses a unique healing power that can magnificently heal your and other people’s emotional wounds. At the same time, however, love isn’t something that is strictly serious and rational. Quite the contrary, love can be quite fun and humorous. To celebrate the magnificently beautiful humor of love, we’ve created a selection of funny love quotes. Enjoy this collection of really funny quotes about love. You may also be interested in our collection of really cute love quotes coming from the heart.

The energy and power of love are most definitely some of the purest in the universe. It encourages us to treat others kindly and to be compassionate towards them. Even more so, by acts of kindness and love, you can set a positive example for others and inspire them to act similarly.


Here’s our collection of funny love quotes.

What makes love so beautiful is that it is a multi-faceted phenomenon. One central ingredient of love is humor and fun. Without it, love wouldn’t be the same.

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”
Lily Tomlin

Let’s have a look at these wonderfully funny quotes about love.

90 Hilariously Funny Love Quotes

What is so interesting about funny love quotes is that they stem from some of the funniest comedians and writers of all-time. In the words of these individuals, the concept of love wins an entirely new dimension, namely humor.

Here are these humorous and funny love quotes:


“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”
Oscar Wilde

Women are meant to be loved quote


“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.”
Steven Wright

I almost had a psychic girlfriend quote


“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”
Charlie Brown

Unrequired love quote


“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby – awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”
Lemony Snicket

Love can change a person quote


“The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders”
Linda Festa

The most important thing in a relationship quote


“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell


“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.”
Richard Pryor


“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.”
Russell Brand


“The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.”
Markus Zusak


“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Rita Rudner


“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
Agatha Christie


“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.”
Bob Hope


“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.”
Russell Brand


“What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.”
Pearl Bailey


“Love is what we call the situation which occurs when two people who are sexually compatible discover that they can also tolerate one another in various other circumstances.”
Marc Maihueird


“I love you and it’s getting worse.”
Joseph E. Morris


“Love, I’ve come to understand is more than three words mumbled before bedtime.”
Nicholas Sparks


“People should fall in love with their eyes closed.”
Andy Warhol


“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.”
Aristotle Onassis


“First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time.”
Honore de Balzac


“At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.”


“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.”
Ray Romano


“The key to a successful relationship is to clear your Internet history.”


“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”
Albert Einstein


“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.”
Rodney Dangerfield


“You call it madness, but I call it love.”
Don Byas


“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”
Richard Jeni


“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.”
David Sedaris


“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”
Phyllis Diller


“Women love a self-confident bald man.”
Larry David


“The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends.”
Bobby Kelton


“I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.”


“It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.”
Nick Hornby


“No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.”


“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”
Garry Shandling


“You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash.”
Jarod Kintz


“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.”
Lynda Barry


“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.”
Jackie Mason


“Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.”
Mae West


“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
George Burns


“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Oscar Wilde


“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”
Albert Einstein


“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
Charles Schulz


“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”
Chris Rock


“If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”
Chuck Palahniuk


“To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.”
Jarod Kintz


“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.”
Jerry Seinfeld


“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.”
Cindy Gardner


“If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.”
Chelsea Peretti


“It is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one’s neighbor.”
Eric Hoffer


“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.”
Friedrich Nietzsche


“A relationship isn’t going to make me survive. It’s the cherry on top.”
Jennifer Aniston


“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”
Jarod Kintz


“My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.”
Emo Philips


“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally, they are the same people.”
G.K. Chesterton


“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.”
Lucille Ball


“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, making love raises some pretty good questions.”
Woody Allen


“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”
Chelsea Handler


“I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don’t wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.”
Maria Bamford


“Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”
Franklin P. Jones


“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
Joan Crawford


“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.”
Jules Renard


“You meet someone and you’re sure you were lovers in a past life. After two weeks with them, you realize why you haven’t kept in touch for the last two thousand years.”
Al Cleathen


“My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.”
Rodney Dangerfield


“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”
Hussein Nishah


“Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill, but not doing it because you’d miss them.”


“You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.”
Jonathan Carroll


“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.”


“Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it’s just another way to bleed.”
Laurell K. Hamilton


“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.”
Natasha Leggero


“Love; a temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
Ambrose Bierce


“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.”
Fran Lebowitz


“Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.”
George Carlin


“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”
Bill Maher


“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”
Jean Illsley Clarke


“Love is being stupid together.”
Paul Valery


“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.”


“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.”
W. Somerset Maugham


“Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life.”


“I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?”
Zsa Zsa Gabor


“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
Albert Einstein


“A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick.”
Mary Wilson


“I love you like a fat kid loves cake.”
Scott Adams


“I will never deny that life isn’t fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.”
Criss Jami


“My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.”
Elayne Boosler


“Women need a reason to make love. Men just need a place.”
Billy Crystal


“Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.”
Maya Angelou


“I have a very strange relationship in general with women around my music. There’s some that understand it and some that think there should be a law against it.”
Nick Cave


“Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.”
Miss Piggy


“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
Erma Bombeck

Bonus I

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
Groucho Marx

Bonus II

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.”
Henry Youngman

Bonus III

“Love is like war, easy to begin but hard to end.”
Leo Buscaglia

I hope you enjoyed this collection of funny love quotes.

Stay victorious!


About Author

Steve is the founder of Planet of Success, the #1 choice when it comes to motivation, self-growth and empowerment. This world does not need followers. What it needs is people who stand in their own sovereignty. Join us in the quest to live life to the fullest!

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