As time passes by you accumulate a variety of people on your “list” that have hurt you in one way or the other. Be it those that left you for good, others that hurt you or a family member/friend physically, robbed or exploited you, lied to you or showed any other hurtful behavior one can think of. With each person that joins this “list” you bear another hurtful burden on your shoulder that you carry around with yourself. Basically, you begin to torture yourself for the behavior of others that you can neither influence nor change. It deeply hurts to rethink the situation over and over again, imagining what your life would have turned out if it had not happened to you at all.

Unfortunately, whatever happened cannot be undone. No one is able to wipe the slate clean (figuratively speaking). However, you have the very powerful chance to forgive and to let go of the ballast that you carry on your shoulders.

Buddha

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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.
Buddha

How to let go and forgive

Forgiveness is the single most important step towards healing. It will also allow you to let go of anger and inner turmoil that you feel within. Even more important, it helps you to let go of the pain.

But how do you forgive? How do you forgive someone who hurt you so much, a person who took everything that you held dear? And why should you forgive in the first place?

The simple answer is: because it is necessary for your healing.

There are two alternatives to forgiveness. One is to take revenge the other is to continue carrying the anger and hatred around with you for several years or the rest of your life. Both options will not set you free from the pain, they will not allow you to let go. When taking revenge, one might notice a short-term relieve of the pain, but in the end you will realize that it did not contribute at all to the process of letting go. The avenger does not feel better at all, but there is the insight that he or she has stooped to the aggressor’s level. On the other hand, carrying the burden around with you doesn’t make anything undone. In fact, it will only continue to hurt you.

#1 Take yourself time

No one is rushing you to forgive. Take yourself all the time you need to heal (emotional) wounds. It is only natural that you will not be able to forgive a week, month or even a year after what happened. For as long as the pain can still be felt and the memory of the incident is still vivid, thinking about forgiveness might not be the right option for your healing. Instead, allow time to help you come to terms with what happened.

#2 Develop acceptance

Acceptance is the foundation for forgiveness. Acceptance means that you are ready to acknowledge that neither you nor anybody else can make the situation undone. It is the realization that you cannot change the past, but that you always have the chance to make the best of your situation from here on now.

#3 The act of forgiving – attribute of the strong

Many people associate forgiveness with weakness. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Gandhi

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The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

Mahatma Gandhi

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The willingness to forgive takes an incredible amount of maturity, growth and wisdom. However, the person that is able to take up the strength to forgive will discover the true power of forgiveness: it empowers you to let go and to release the suffering.

#4 Realize the drawbacks of not forgiving

Again, people have a problematic relationship with forgiving, as they believe that forgiveness only sets the other part free. Once again, this isn’t the whole truth, as forgiveness will first and foremost set YOU free.

Holding on to your anger, however, can have numerous more or less significant drawbacks for your life. The most important disadvantage of all is that you will always remain in the role of the victim. Victimhood makes you powerless and only you can answer the question if it affects you from pursuing your dreams.

On the other hand, you have nothing to lose by forgiving the mistakes of others. You can only win, in particular your freedom.

#5 Empathize and develop an understanding

I personally find it by far easier to forgive and let go after I have developed an understanding of why a person did to me what they did. I try to empathize and to walk in this persons shoes (figuratively speaking) – even if it’s hard, which more often than not gives me a good understanding of this persons motives. And if I am brutally honest with myself, I realize that I might have done the same, if I found myself in a similar situation with the same background as the other part.

Empathizing will also lead to the understanding that we all make hurtful mistakes in life, but also that our behavior does hurt other people every once in a while.

#6 Avoid the spiral of aggression

Another important aspect that I feel should be mentioned in this article is the “spiral of aggression”. Have you ever been in a heated situation – which may have developed over years – where neither you nor your opponent knew who and what really started the argument? This is what I call the spiral of aggression, in which a relatively minor problem leads two opposing factions to attack and react to the opponents attack leading the aggression to spiral up high. However, if one of the opponents had the courage to forgive (the cleverer give in) this whole situation could have been avoided.

Avoid this spiral. Try to avoid any kinds of ridiculous fights. Forgive, let go and go on in your life.

#7 Finally: forgive!

Forgive and set yourself free from the pain. It will take you a lot of courage and strength to do so, but you will be rewarded with the freedom to live your life without the burden that was put on your shoulder and without the pain that it created.

This article was presented by planetofsuccess.com

Further recommended articles on forgiveness:

• WikiHow’s How to Forgive: 12 Steps
• TinyBudda’s How to Forgive When It’s Hard

While most know that karma is treated in the Buddhist religion they do not know that similar concepts have also spread in Western culture, only under different names. And obviously, “karma” is just a label, a name for a concept that goes by different names, such as “destiny”, “fate”, “cause and effect”, “you reap what you sow”, “what goes around comes around” and probably many more.

Karma is – more often than not – regarded in a very negative way as some concept of punishment. This perspective, however, is biased as it only takes one aspect into consideration and prevents one to discover the whole truth about it. Karma – or however one wants to call this universal mechanism – is not designed to punish. It is there to balance.

Karma – A mechanic system to balance

Karma is a universal mechanism if you will, whose only job it is to maintain the balance. Astonishingly, as soon as one regards karma not as an evil punishment but a balance mechanism your whole perspective starts to shift by 360 degrees. Karma is not your enemy but more like an overseer that makes sure that you do not drift off into an imbalanced direction. And if you do drift off in one direction it will make sure that you experience the other direction of polarity as well.

Imagine what your life would be like if you had only experienced only positive things up to this moment. Imagine what it would be like if you couldn’t help but experience positivity in your life. Admittedly, that is incredibly exciting to think about and sounds phenomenal at first sight. I’m pretty sure that this is the life many strive to live and I’m writing this without being judgmental as I can relate to this wish and often dreamed about a life without negativity, obstacles and problems as well. With that being said, I’m convinced that such a life could be lived for years to come without a single problem.

However, the real problem develops under the surface and might not even be noticed by the individual at all. It lies therein that your perspective of life would become compromised and imbalanced. Experiencing positivity would become the norm for you and so it becomes a normal, regular thing that is not appreciated or valued but taken for granted.

Digression: There is an episode of the “Twilight Zone” called “A nice place to visit”, which perfectly describes what I just wrote. It involves an outlaw called “Rocky” who dies only to find himself in the company of a friendly fellow called “Pip”, whose only job it is to grant Rocky every wish he desires. Naturally, Rocky concludes that he is in Heaven and starts to bring all his wildest dreams to fruition, assisted by Pip. He hits the jackpot in the slot machine easily, wins every card game followed by many more incredible wishes that come true right in front of his eyes. However, after a while his euphoria slowly but surely turns into boredom which eventually leads him to ask Pip to send him back to “the other place” (hell) where he truly belongs. A question to which Pip only responds: “What made you think you were in heaven?”

Secondly, as you could only refer to positive events in your past you simply couldn’t understand what it means to a person to go through a rough time in life and how painful it can be. You wouldn’t be able to empathize with this person. Even more important, there would be no opportunity for you to grow as an individual. Positive events can only bring you so far, but when you go through a rough period and have to come up with a solution to your problem, that’s when you begin to learn and grow as a person.

Karma is there to establish this exact balance between the positive and the negative. If you have experienced negativity in your life, you will value the moments of positivity a lot more. In fact, I believe that you can only truly appreciate the positive things in your life when you were forced to experience the unpleasant aspects of life as well.

“Its fundamental aspect is its balancing role in nature. It is believed that imbalance exists between the individual and the world until all karmic consequences are met. Karma can then be seen as the harmonizer that restores balance. The karmic law is thus more organic than deterministic.”

By Prabhath P in Understanding the workings of Karma

What can we conclude? Karma is not a judgmental system that assesses the rightness or wrongness of your actions to reward or punish you accordingly to what you did (either in this life, the next life or the after-life). Furthermore, it also does not pressure you to experience certain events based on your actions. Karma is all about balance. If you start something it will have a cause and effect which will eventually lead to its natural implication. Karma makes sure that the balance is restored after a given period of time. Simple as that, no judgment involved. No judging about “good” and “bad”. Just balance.

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• Make the best of your life
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Photo by: myself.

The dark night of the soul is just what the proverb describes: an existential crisis that drags you to the ground. A situation so severe and evidently hopeless that it makes you question everything you ever thought to know. Not only that, but it also takes you all your interest in the joys this material world has to offer. Your senses are deprived—if not deadened—for a certain period of time.

But during this period of mental stillness and “self-inflicted” sensory deprivation you will come to a really important conclusion. You will realize what is really important to you in your life. A realization so profound and powerful that it will change the way you regard your situation for the rest of your life. I, for instance, began to realize that friendship and family were more important to me than anything else in the world. That sports cars were just a pile of nicely fashioned junk; likewise the technological tools were are playing around in this modern era. Just a scrapheap.

The dark night of the soul is the point where your life has reached a fork in the road with only two directions to choose from. Death or transformation.

And just as one has to go through a really tough period in life until things become better, an individual will experience their darkest hour of the soul, which will transform their life forever. In my opinion, it will change your life for the better in hindsight to wisdom, insight and a broader understanding of life in general. One only has to have the courage, so to speak, to see the windows that open when a door closes. Just as one can learn from failures there is a lot to gain from the dark night of the soul, even though it is a very rough and painful period of time that makes one feel like all hope is lost.

Everything happens for a reason.
Something good comes out of everything that happens.

Did you know that in the ancient mystery traditions, the would-be initiate had to symbolically experience his own death during the initiation ritual? The symbolic death experience was an allegory to the dark night of the soul. During the experience the initiate would be symbolically born again, after he had caught a glimpse behind the veil of the upper world (heaven). During “death” the initiate realizes and overcomes the downward spiral of their birth into ignorance and is enlightened with the powerful wisdom of the group. The symbolic dark night of the soul would lead the initiate to metaphorically rise from the dead, proving the maturity to be instructed in the secrets of the mystery school.

And this is exactly what happens during the dark night of the soul, even though in a somewhat tougher and more painful manner. And a part of you dies during this experience.

The Dark Night of the Soul

But all hope is not lost, far from it! In fact, a far more powerful and wiser individual arises out of such a situation. And instead of waiting for dawn to illuminate the world again this person will become the beacon of light that shines through the pitch-black night, sharing hope and courage for those that are around.

In a sense, the dark night of the soul is necessary for an individual’s growth and development. It is the integral part of a life’s journey that turns everything upside down and leaves only the things behind that are important for the voyager and their progress. Without such an experience there would be no room for growth. There is no progress without struggle, as they say. Life would be a stagnating experience without the slightest chance for development. What would seem like a perfect world would sooner or later turn into a hellish nightmare from which one desperately would try to wake up.

If you are experiencing your personal dark night of the soul at this moment in time, it is important that you do not give up! Don’t allow it to consume your hope for a better future. Don’t let it take all your courage. Try to stay as calm as possible and see how things unfold. Most likely you will experience the gradual dismantling of your personality. The three primordial questions about existence might arise, maybe for the first time in your life. “Who am I? Where did I come from? And where am I going?” If you have the courage to pursue these questions you will find the right answers that will provide you a new hope.

Whatever is happening to you at this moment will pass eventually, making room for something new and positive. Remind yourself that something good evolves out of everything bad that happens to you. With this kind of powerful mindset nothing will be able to stand in your way. Have the courage to seek for the new opportunities that will arise as you are experiencing your darkest hour.

In more technical terms, the dark night of the soul is the process that quietens the mind and brings the soul to a peaceful serenity during which a transformation can take place. And one day you will look back at what you’ve gone through, how it affected you and how it profoundly changed your whole life and you will notice that it is you who has become a beacon of light, lightening the dark for others during their personal crisis. Then you know it was worth it.

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The ego polarizes to the extremes on both sites. It has been stylized by some as “the root of all evil” that divides us and makes us forget that we all are basically one and the same, only separated by superficial attributes. On the other hand there are those that go so far as praising the ego as our greatest asset that brought us individualism.

Certainly, both perceptions might hold some truths, but they both are in my opinion signs of an excessive ego, not of the ego in general. Besides these two points of view, religion provides another perspective. In many religious traditions, letting go of the ego is a key-requirement for progress. You often hear that the ego must be casted aside so that this life can be transcended.

But can you really absolutely let go of the ego? I hate to disappoint some of you, but in all honesty, one cannot erase the ego. Why is that you may ask? Well, just have a look at what the ego really is, as defined:

The noun e•go cognates with the Greek word “Εγώ”, which means “I” and is used to describe the “I”, “self” or “identity” of a person. Ego refers to

• the consciousness of one’s own identity
• the self esteem of a person (“Criticism hurt his ego.”)
• the distinction between oneself and others
• the perceived superiority to others

As you can see, the ego has positive as well as negative attributes. It’s a good thing to be aware of one’s identity, but perceiving oneself as superior to others is a characteristic of an imbalanced ego. What is important is to understand is that your ego and personality are so strong interconnected with each other that one couldn’t exist without the other. However, you can always loosen the hold of the ego to a slight minimum and/or reduce negative, selfish aspects of the ego.

Really, the ego isn’t such a bad thing as it is often proclaimed to be. After all it is responsible for your survival in this world; that you are “egoistic” enough to get some food, water and that you sleep long enough. A person without an ego would be lost and not capable of surviving.

But why are there so many people that claim to have overcome the ego mind? If a person tries to make it clear to you that they have no longer an ego, well that’s probably their ego talking right to you. They might have been successful in purifying and reducing the ego, but not in erasing it in its entirety. Think about it this way: if a person had no ego, they would not feel the need to boast – in front of everyone who is willing to listen – that they have erased their ego.

The issue is not to break free of the ego, escaping it or transcending it. Rather it is to learn how to harness the ego and transform it to use it in a way that serves us and helps us to create a life worth living. [ ... ] It is about learning how to use the “I” of consciousness in wholeness as opposed to the separation it normally creates.

K. Ferlic in Shifting Consciousness
http://ryuc.info/creativespirituality/shifting_consciousness.htm

This is why I put so much emphasis on balancing the ego, not on erasing it. When the ego becomes imbalanced, all its hideous, negative aspects can act out. Therefore it is my intention to balance the ego, not to destroy it.

How to let go of the ego?

Or better: how to loosen the grip of the ego and reduce its influence?

 1. Understanding the “job profile” of the ego

First and foremost, it is crucial to understand what the ego’s job is and what not. The ego has a very basic job to perform: securing your survival. The tasks range from acquiring food and shelter to reproduction. This part of the psyche, however, has not the responsibility to “run the show.” Yet, it is capable of doing exactly that. If one is not cautious or aware of it, the ego arises and that which was only a component of the being becomes the instrument that takes control of the whole. And as a result of a self-centered society where egocentric behavior is not only rewarded, but also stimulated by various sources, you can see many people that are controlled by a helmsman called “Ego.”

In this position of power, the ego takes over and its negative attributes manifest – from selfishness and egocentric behavior to other nasty expressions. These manifestations, however, are not part of the ego’s job profile. It wasn’t the ego’s job to take control in the first place.

2. Observing the ego, creating awareness

Now that you understand that the ego really is not in charge of running the show, the next step is to create awareness. By creating awareness I mean that you learn to observe your ego. The aim is that you can differentiate between actions that are clearly driven by your ego and those that are not. The intention behind this observation exercise is that you start to notice the situations in which your ego leaves its regular area of responsibility (i.e. as the survival mechanism) and does jobs it is not responsible for.

When you notice that your ego is active, be aware of it and observe it! This teaches you the dissociation from the self of the ego. You will soon understand to differentiate between the commands that originate from your ego’s insatiable craving for recognition and the guiding from a wiser aspect of your being.

3. Putting the ego in its right place

The ego does not need to be fought; it does not need to be eradicated and terminated. Instead, it simply needs to be put in its right place where it can function in a healthy, balanced way. From this place it functions as the survival mechanism that it was designed to be, but it will not have the chance to take control, go on the rampage or manifest in an egocentric attitude.

The extreme manifestations of an unbalanced ego range from low self-esteem to an excessive self-centeredness. It is, however, important to understand that these more popular expressions are only the two polarities of the ego spectrum. The right place of the ego lies in balance between those two polarities.

4. Returning to your true self

The balancing of the ego gives room for a wiser part of your being to unfold like a blossoming flower. Something that was dormant; suppressed by an overactive ego: your true, authentic self. The return to your true self allows you to act from a point of inner authenticity, instead of having to react to external influences from an ego-driven perspective. It means to stand in your own power and to be the person you truly want to be; not the man or woman that society, culture and advertising manipulates you to be. That is the distinctive difference between being the one who you truly are and roaming around as a faint expression of what your true potential could be, i.e. an instinct driven animal that amasses as much of anything in a never-ending endeavor to fulfill the desire of an unfulfilled ego.

Acting from your true self is a state of being centered within, without the need to respond to worries and fears in the animalistic way the ego would have done.

Article brought to you by planetofsuccess.com

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From my observations and experience I know that most of these experts/gurus position themselves as the ones who have a lot more knowledge than their various followers. It doesn’t matter where the knowledge of the guru stems from – be it from god, angels, ascended masters, extraterrestrials, channeling, insiders or whistle blowers – in the end it all boils down to one basic theme: the leader knows a great deal more than his followers and is the only one who has a stable connection or access to the source of this knowledge.

It seems that not every guru is interested in empowering his followers (obviously). Otherwise, none of these shining figures would conceal from their members that the true teacher resides within and will never be found on the outside of oneself. Do the “super-smart, enlightened and all-knowing masters” not even know this basic concept?

Joining another person on its path, listening to his ideas, knowledge and wisdoms is really not the problem here. The problem lies much more in the (deliberate) creation of a dependency of the student from his teacher. A manipulative “master” makes the follower dependent on his or her knowledge, fully knowing that the student will therefore never have the slightest chance to surpass the teacher. Obviously, this happens more often than not for material gains of the “teacher”, but money is not always the key factor.

Shouldn’t the student be enabled to become independent from the teacher?

The teacher within

The truth (from my point of view) is that you neither need me nor anyone else to tell you what to do. You don’t need external teachers, gurus and masters as you can always be your own mentor. To be precise, this mentor resides deep within you. It has many names and descriptions; some say it’s the soul, your higher self, inner essence or inner light. I simply call it the inner teacher. Whatever it is called, it is an aspect within you that is more than meets the eye. More than just you, it is the infinite source of wisdom and inner knowing. Sometimes I am led to believe that this inner teacher arranges situations and circumstances in my life (that I may not always like), which provide valuable learning experiences to me.

Furthermore, it is also noteworthy that you know yourself inside out – something that an external teacher doesn’t!

Make yourself not dependent on the teachers that come with the flowery words and the most sophisticated concepts about everything that is and will be. Listen to those individuals in your life that help you to discover the teacher within you, the ones that empower you, instead of charging you a horrendous fee. I have seen “teachers” on YouTube spinning the most complex concepts around, leaving their students in awe. Yet, they could not verbalize the simple idea that none of their followers needed teaching from anybody, if they would tune into their inner selves.

When you get in touch with the teacher within, you start to understand that you don’t need anybody to “show you where to go and what to do”. You might get inspirations from a teacher with an excellent lesson here or there, but you will never have to rely on them to tell you your personal truth. I consciously chose “personal truth” because there will never exist the one and only truth that qualifies to every individual on this planet.

Become the master of your life

None of the gurus and masters out there have studied you thoroughly enough to know even a slight aspect of who you are and why you became the person you are today, what you experienced in life and what you have gone through. Therefore, it goes without saying that externals can give you (superficial) advice and tips, but they can never come up with the wise solutions and answers that your creative self (the inner teacher) can bring to light.

Be your own master, stand in your own power and have faith in yourself! There is no need to look up to others and adore them for the “mysterious knowledge” they seem to have, as you can always be your own master, teacher and guru. And you can be that in a more efficient and helpful manner than anybody out there could be for you!

PS: You also do not need me. Don’t take my words for gospel, if what I write resonates with you then be inspired by it! But please, never replace anybody with the knowledgeable teacher that resides deep within you!

Have the courage to discover the teacher within!

The following article might also be of interest to you:

How to trust in oneself?

There are only a few that take the time to enjoy the beauty of the moment, make time for a moment of gratitude or try to discover the blessing that already exist in their lives. Most don’t even have the time to savor such a regular but totally mind-blowing phenomenon like a sundown.

Instead, everyone’s attention is primarily focused on the things they do not possess, from materialistic things (wealth and expensive tangibles), interpersonal relationships (finding the “right” partner) to various ideals of beauty. Most hope to fill the emptiness within them by the accumulation of materialistic things (that nobody truly needs). And why is that? Because most cannot value what they already have!

They do not realize the true blessings in their live – the regular things that are taken for granted. If a person grows up with a given blessing, it’s difficult to even notice it and most might eventually lose sight of its value as they grow older. From a very young age, advertising convinces us that we aren’t good enough, that we need perfection in every area of our life and thereby implants false perceptions about what the “true purpose” of life really should be all about: Fame, power, wealth, beauty, perfection, and consumption.

We hope for big, bright and fascinating miracles, but we have forgotten a long time ago to take notice of the small wonders that happen day after day. A society that continuously wants more without realizing that less can be the “added value” everyone tries to generate so desperately.

I believe that a lot of people are so preoccupied with the things they do not have that they overlook the beauty that is already in their lives. I don’t blame them. I speak from painful experience when I say that it’s rather easy to take everything you have for granted, as you will only realize what you had when it’s gone for good.

How to appreciate what you have?

Discovering the advantages of your life is not difficult. All it takes is the willingness to look at your life from a different perspective than you are used to. Normally, we try to estimate the value of our live by looking at the upper-echelons of society. We compare what they posses to the (“few”) things we have. Rather than this approach (that is leading nowhere), I recommend making oneself aware of people that have less and their unique capability to make much of less.

The following will assist you in valuing what you have and in discovering the true blessings in your life!

1. Discover the true treasures in your life

Sometimes it seems to me that people are too blinded by the fancy, shiny and glorious objects in the distance so that they cannot take notice of the true treasures that are present in their lives. Most of these treasures might not sparkle like diamonds, they cannot be sold and have no price tag, but more often than not they turn out to be the priceless things that make your life not only worth living, but you also a very wealthy person (in a non-materialistic sense).

To discover the most valuable foundations of your life – and yes, I’m convinced there is a lot of fortune in your life – starting from scratch can be really helpful. In my opinion, the basic requirements of life are:

1. Shelter
2. Food and water
3. Health
4. Clothing
5. [Perhaps] belongingness & love and true friendship

If you have all of these basic requirements you’re not only very lucky, but you can already consider yourself a very wealthy person (again, not necessarily in a materialistic sense). These five elements are everything you’ll ever need; everything else is pure luxury!

Walk through life with open eyes and (re-) discover the true value of the things you’ve taken for granted. To most people in the western world, a constant water supply is completely normal, but one might only realize its virtue when considering that (for example) African nomads have to walk for hours to the next source of water.

Learn to appreciate the little things, like the hot meal you have day after day, to see how fortunate you are already. It takes no luxury or wealth to live an amazing life. The true bliss of life lies not so much in materialistic things, but in the wonderful moments you share with your family, beloved ones, and friends. Take notice of these fantastic moments, even if they have become totally ordinary to you and learn to appreciate the value of these moments.

2. Keep a gratitude log

That’s a very simple yet effective practice in order to value what you have! The next time you get up, have a shower or brush your teeth, simply go over the elements in your life you are grateful for. From your family, friends to your job, health, etc – there are no limits. Think about all the things that make you realize how blessed you are. If you face difficulties in the beginning, it could turn out to be helpful to start this exercise by writing down every treasure and everything you value in your life in a gratitude log. The advantage of putting your list down in writing is that you can always add new things to your gratitude log.

I sometimes forget how fortunate I am, thanks to the troubles of life that drag me down into less conscious spheres. But, whenever possible, I try to remind myself of everything that I hold in high regard, like being able to have a shower, for getting a meal each day, for the sun to rise in such an epic way, for having wonderful friends and family members that support me, but also for being able to freely express my thoughts on this blog – and for all the people who are interested in what I have to say!

These are regular things to some, but priceless luxuries to me.

3. Notice the triviality

It saddens me to see people complaining about the most trivial things one can think of! How they have to wait in a queue at the supermarket, how they missed the bus, how disappointed they are about not having a super fancy car and so forth. Let’s face it: In the grand scheme of life, all these things are really not important. It’s minor and trivial. The difficulty lies in realizing how unimportant these things really are.

Perform a “reality check” and question if it is even worth getting angry or complaining about it. Ask yourself if what you are furious about will really matter in 2, 5 or even 10 years. The astonishing thing is that most of it won’t even matter in the course of a month, so why wasting your precious time on complaining about it? It will only worsen your mood.

Why do I elaborate about reality checks when this article is all about valuing what you already have in life? The reason is simple: When you focus too much on the trivial problems that come with life, you might lose sight of the true foundations and fortunes in your life. Which brings me to the next point:

4. Appreciate the common problems in your life

I could also have named this caption “see the value that hides in a problem” or “transform an issue into a value”, but I think the headline I chose for #4 fits best. So what is my agenda when I say that it can be helpful to appreciate the common problems that come with life? It is all about putting your struggles into perspective! The daily problems that you and I encounter in life might be a pain in the neck, but there will be always people who can only dream of such trivial problems. Think about a minor, but annoying problem that you encounter every once in a while. I for instance am a student, so it goes without saying that I’m often confronted with examination stress. It’s not really pleasant but I would consider it a trivial problem in my life. Now from my “ego-perspective” the reoccurring stress at university during the examinations is joyless and exhausting, but when I put this problem into perspective I realize that I’m only facing this issue because I’m lucky enough to be able to study. The second step after putting the problem into perspective lies in realizing that there are millions of people world-wide who would LOVE to have some exam stress every once and again, but they haven’t the chance to go to school or university in the first place.

Short summary: How to appreciate common problems in life?

• A) Put the problem you deal with into perspective; discover the reason why you can consider yourself lucky to face such an issue
• B) Realize that many other people would be glad to encounter such a problem in their life (if they could)
• C) Learn to value such minor problems by understanding how they are just a “by-product” of a very valuable part of your life

5. What would your life be like if …

… you lost everything that you have? Remember the saying that you only know what you had when it’s gone? Maybe there’s an easier way for you to really find out what is precious to you: just spend some moments thinking about what your life would look like, if you lost everything. Could you imagine a life without your family, friends and beloved ones? A life without a house or a car? Thinking about such a situation makes you realize and truly appreciate what you do have, even if these things are not as perfect as you wish.

Closing words:

Be happy for the very foundations in your life. From the air you breathe to the delicious meals you enjoy with your friends and family. Learn to discover the value of every aspect in your life, even if it has become mundane to you. Be thankful for what you have right now and use it as the fundament to built your future on it. Never stop dreaming about your goals and visions, but don’t worry about the things you currently don’t have. Always keep in mind that it is a waste of time to focus on what you don’t have – for it is time that could be spend in taking pleasure in what you have.

The following articles might also interest you

• When a door closes a window opens – an article about discovering new possibilities in times of failure
• How to develop more trust in yourself

This article was brought to you by our Personal Growth Blog.

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I’m a fairly young person, so why do I think I have any important wisdoms or wise lessons about life to share at all? “Is he that self-opinionated?” one might think. During my life I had the very honorable experience of getting in touch with a huge variety of people, from all different kinds of backgrounds. I’ve talked to the elderly and the young, had discussions with people that were about to die as well as those who lost a beloved one. But many – if not most – of the wisdoms and lessons I would like to share with you came from my personal experience, for instance from the time when my life was hanging by a thread – the time I had hit rock bottom.

I am, however, not perfect and all-knowing, which is why I would like to invite you to share your wisdom in the comment section below. Everyone has important wisdoms for life to share, don’t be shy and tell us about your wise lessons! I will integrate your statement into this article when time permits.

Solomon Ibn Gabriol

The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others.
Solomon Ibn Gabriol

Before we get to the interesting part of this article, I think it might be helpful to define what wisdom really is.

Wikipedia describes Wisdom as “a deep understanding [ … ] resulting in the ability to apply perceptions, judgments and actions in keeping with this understanding. It often requires control of one’s emotional reactions so that universal principles, reason and knowledge prevail to determine one’s actions. Wisdom is also the comprehension of what is true or right coupled with optimum judgment as to action.“

Wisdom is difficult to teach. The intelligent can learn, comprehend, understand and meet rational decisions based on logic. A wise person knows out of experience. It is the inner knowing what to do in a given situation. In some cases, the decision that is met appears to be irrational, but more often than not it turns out to be the right thing to do. The wise person knows from within, supported by the insights gained from a reflective disposition.

Wisdom of Life

11 Wise Lessons about life …

… and the essential wisdom to be prepared for life. Doesn’t it all revolve around the question: What is important to you in life? Maybe you have already a definite answer to the question – in which case I would like to congratulate you. But if not, I hope the important virtues of wisdom and the many lessons in life that I’m sharing with you will inspire you when deciding what is important to you. I’m also including quotes of wisdom or wisdom sayings to each of the following essential lessons of life:

#1 There’s a lesson to be learned in everything you experience

Edward Young

On every thorn, delightful wisdom grows.
In every rill a sweet instruction flows.
Edward Young

Everything you undergo teaches you a lesson. The question is: Do you have the courage to discover what lesson was taught? Are you brave enough to make use of the wisdom you gained?

Life can be really tough, especially in times of coping with setbacks and failures. But I know from experience: everything that happens teaches a lesson – whether you like the lection or not. Often, it took me months to let go of the (ego-based) grief, self-pity and anger about what had happened. But once that work was done it gave way to a reflective approach of discovering the valuable insights and wisdoms that were taught.

Remember that this process takes a lot of time. Wise lessons might not immediately catch your attention, but they will come as very profound realizations once you are ready to comprehend them. With the insight that time provides, you will be able to accept the situation and be courageous enough to let go of anger and bitterness. Only then, with an impartial point of view, profound but wise lessons can be drawn from the things that happened to you, hence increasing your knowledge about the important wisdom about life.

#2 Happiness comes from within

Abraham Lincoln

People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln

No one is in charge of your happiness but you. No one has the responsibility to make you happy. It is a very common misconception to believe things that lie outside of ourselves can make us happy. If you ask an unhappy person what it would take to make them happier, they will most likely enumerate the many (material) things that lie beyond their grasp. What they do not realize is the profound wisdom that true happiness comes from within. People think abundance can make them happy. We associate the possession of luxurious cars, big mansions and the many other tangibles this materialistic world has to offer with happiness.

But the reality is: If you aren’t able to appreciate what you already have, you will never be able to be truly and profoundly happy for a longer period of time, even if all your material wishes came true. It is the wisdom that comes from personal experience that has shown many people that one will never be fully satisfied by the accumulation of fancy tangibles.

If you make your happiness dependent on external influences, you set up a barrier that prevents you from discovering the happiness that lies within you. In such a case, you would be trying to fill an emptiness within you that cannot be filled with things from the outside.

#3 Anger is self-destructive

Buddha wisdom

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha

Anger is destructive in nature. It makes people forget all the good qualities that characterize them as human beings. Anger turns people into instinct driven animals that are blinded by their aggression. And in this state of being it so happens that we tend to do evil things we painfully regret later. Retrospectively I would say that by holding on to anger, I harmed myself the most. The very wise lesson stated by Buddha brings it to the point: Your anger and hatred will hurt you the most, which is quite an important wisdom for life, I think.

#4 Forgiveness will set you free, but revenge not

Thomas Szasz

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
Thomas Szasz

Forgiveness is the characteristic of the strong. It really takes a lot of strength to forgive and to let go of the hurt. The alternative to forgiving is vengeance, but it will not help you to reduce the pain. Revenge – to me – is simply not the right way to let go of the emotional baggage I carry around when someone hurt me. In the end, the realization prevails that there’s no difference between you and the person that hurt you, if you opt for revenge. The process of forgiving is essential to be able to let go of the hurt. Forgiveness can set you free. It can help you in releasing the built-up resentment and the emotional baggage you carry around. Life is too short to waste your time with hatred.

#5 Regret is more painful than failure

John Whittier

Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been’
John Greenleaf Whittier

Throughout our lives we are mostly worried about things that won’t happen anyway. We are afraid of failure, when in reality the regret about not having tried can be by far more painful than failure in itself. The question you have to ask yourself is whether you prefer to laugh about all the awkward failures you’ve experienced or to regret all the missed opportunities you rejected out of fear of failure. To me, failure is an inevitable aspect in my life. A “challenge” if you so want that I will have to face every once in a while. With it comes the realization and wisdom that the only fool-proof way to avoid any kind of failure is to not try at all. The attempt to avoid failure at any cost – by not trying – is an irreversible mistake, which I regard as the worst failure of all.

The most common regrets of the dying:

• I wish I hadn’t spend so much time working
• I wish I had stayed in contact with my friends/family
• I wish I had spend more time with my children
• I wish I hadn’t tried to please everyone
• I wish I’d had the courage to express what I was feeling

 #6 Money is just paper with numbers on

Ann Radcliffe

How strange is it, that a fool or knave, with riches, should be treated with more respect by the world, than a good man, or a wise man in poverty.
Ann Radcliffe

I think most of us will agree that money is essential to survive in this modern world. It takes no wisdom or really wise lesson to realize that. We all need enough money to support our living, to afford housing and to feed our families. The question is, do you really want to coordinate your whole life to the one and only goal of acquiring as much money as possible? Do you really want to stuff your life with gadgets and other things you won’t really need anyways? Money is nothing more than a lot of coins and notes with numbers on. It doesn’t buy you happiness; it doesn’t buy you time that was lost and it will not take care of you when you are in need. Money is a means to an end, not an end in itself.

The pearls of wisdom I’ve drawn from my experience is that no matter if you’re a billionaire or broke, at the point of death you’ll lose all your money and tangibles, but no one can take the wonderful experiences you carry in your heart.

#7 Other people’s mistakes are lessons for you, too

A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own.
Latin Proverb

When I was a child I sometimes had the feeling that my parents “punished” me for mistakes others committed. When someone did something very stupid, you can bet that I got a lecture about it as well. Nowadays, I know better of course. They taught me to learn from other people’s mistakes, even though I did not realize that for a very long time. I believe that even though we learn a lot more from our own mistakes, learning from other people’s mistakes helps us to stay out of a lot of trouble. There’s an old saying, “Learn from other people’s mistakes, because you don’t have time to make them all yourself” – and it perfectly fits here.

#8 Bending over backwards will break your spine

Lao Tzu

Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.
Lao Tzu

What other people think of you should be none of your business. Everyone is entitled to his own opinion and you cannot change what others think of you anyways. Take notice of criticism and be thankful for feedback, but think about how much emphasis you want to put onto what other people think of you. The moment you begin to bend over backwards for others, by trying to please everyone, you will lose much of your integrity; it will figuratively break your spine. You can put a mask on in order to influence what other people think about you, but sooner or later though, they will get a glimpse of what lies behind. Stay true to yourself and there is nothing for you to regret. If you spend all your time seeking validation, gaining respect and approval from others, then you’ll eventually forget who you really are.

Another wise lesson I had to learn the hard way is that every person is on a different journey - in terms of their personal and spiritual development but also in regards to the level of knowledge and wisdom they have acquired so far. With this wisdom comes the realization that you will not be able to force them to go down a specific path. Convincing them of doing so, or trying to change someone’s opinion who has already made up his mind is a waste of your energy. Eventually, they will discover this path/knowledge for themselves.

#9 Connecting with yourself is worthwhile (above anything else)

William Hazlitt

The seat of knowledge is in the head, of wisdom, in the heart.
William Hazlitt

People externalize because they have no trust in themselves. Instead of taking responsibility by taking action they wait for someone else to do it for them. It is the underlying foundation of many people’s lives. It suggests them that they need guru’s or pastors to show them the right way, politicians to fix their society’s problems and even higher powers to save them from other miseries. Obviously, this leaves a lot of room for manipulation by those who are entrusted with this power and unfortunately, many people’s high expectations are painfully disappointed more often than not.

Develop a healthy trust in yourself and take responsibility for your life, if you do not want to make your whole life dependent on others. Connect with the inner wisdom that is within you, instead of waiting for others to impose their “truths” upon you. People seek for answers to their inexplicable questions outside of themselves, when in reality they can find all the answers within themselves and might already know the answers to some of these questions. Get to know who you really are and practice the skill of listening to your intuition, or as many term it: learn to listen to your heart.

#10 Discovering your life’s purpose will give you a meaning

Confucius wisdom

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life
Confucius

Your life has a purpose. If you had no purpose, you wouldn’t be alive. It’s as simple as that. The difficulty really lies in discovering that life’s purpose, which takes a lot of reflection, thinking and experience. I also believe that a person’s life purpose can change as one gets older. The purpose of your life might have a lot do to with your passions, and if you seek for the works where you put your whole heart into, you might find some important hints as to what your purpose could be.

#11 Making the best of every situation leads to your triumph

John Wooden

Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
John Wooden

There are elements in our lives that we can neither change nor influence. I’ve come to the realization that every person on this planet carries a burden on their shoulder, from health-related problems, poverty, strokes of fate to problems with their relatives or partners. And with this realization comes the wise lesson that you may not be able to change certain aspects of your life, but you can always make the best of it. All it takes is acceptance about the situation you find yourself in and the courage to discover the new opportunities that present themselves.

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The following is a contribution by Ingo called “Death can be good for you, as long as you’re not very good at it.” It revolves around near-death experiences and the loss of beloved ones and teases out links between those two and positive motivation. Enjoy!

As part of a submission to planetofsuccess.com I decided to write about some personal experiences and observations.

I do think I’ve been around the grim reaper a little more than is statistically normal, having had elderly grandparents in Austria, childhood summers in the mountains were inevitably tinged with the steady loss of their contemporaries. The distinct element of morbidity within the culture also meant that cemetaries and churches, somehow all with terrifying depictions of purgatory and hell, were deemed to be “places of interest” for a child.

My own personal mythology was fostered on a recurring account of having nearly choked on a boiled sweet as a baby, as well as that of my mother’s prolonged deliberation on whether to abort me or not.

The rap seemed to be that I was lucky to have made it this far.

Scrub forward through the more conventional childhood traumas of interring deceased pets and saving a friend from drowning, we have another blip as the same later found a murdered girl’s body in the woods, the killer turning out to be yet another schoolfriend.

Things then “liven up” with a spell in the middle east. I’ve been shot at in open ground, had a knife pushed to my throat whilst, thankfully, too drunk to initiate anything resembling fight or flight behavior, I got stuck at disdain. I also had a bed booby trapped with broken vodka bottles and earned my favorite “desert grim reaper” story in this era. Trying to pick landmines on the Jordanian border – whilst having acid flashbacks.

(The last made an unguarded appearance during a group discussion during a training course on “treating risk within the PRINCE2 project management framework” a few months ago – having been asked to state our estimated riskiest incident I told the story. The girl sitting next to me said “bunking off school”).

There then followed a period of conventional losses and near misses – this time failing to save someone from drowning she died in my arms, at the precise moment that I was looking into her eyes.

I’ve since lost a girlfriend, parents and had close ones whilst cycling, was resuscitated from a prescribed medication induced mini coma and have had half a dozen whilst off piste snowboarding on glaciers, I’ve grown to love yellow rescue helicopters – “like” is too weak an emotion.

Is there a point to this?

My intention was to tease out links, between loss, death, near death and positive motivation, actually having reflected on Steve Mueller’s writing about “the golden thread” (namely of circumstance and our frequently much belated perspective, wisdom and gratitude), but as an ex psychologist I find I don’t need to.

There’s interesting research from The University of Missouri and elsewhere, called the bright side of death.

Ingo

Intelligence certainly plays a role. But: The way you study can make or break your success at school/college/university. My recommendation is to study smart, which can help you to save a lot of time that would have been lost with unfocused attempts of “studying hard”. This article is, however, not intended as an excuse for students not to study at all. You will have to invest the proper amount of time for studying, there’s no way around. But, this article guides you on how to make the most out of the time you invest for studying. This article’s goal is to enable you to reduce the unnecessary parts of your studies and to focus on the important.

When I started studying, I was shocked to see many of my fellow students rushing into the library only to leave with seven or more books in their hands. That’s what I call ambitious. Many of them had lent every single book our professor’s had commended – sometimes up to 4 different books per subject. Inclusively the script for each subject, it became a massive mountain of learning material (for them). For a very short time, I was a little frightened by their eagerness, but I held on to the decision of keeping my focus on the important. I kept it simple, lent two books I really needed, and in the end – I got the same and often better results in the examinations than the “overachiever”-crowd. How did I do it? I studied smart and only periodically hard.

How to study smart not hard?

And how to avoid studying for so long?

This article is partitioned into three parts. Part A) Preparation and part B) Mindset focus on the organization of information that makes it easier for you to recall. Part C) is the main part of the concept of “studying smart”.

A) Preparation

1. Get a study game plan

You want to study smart, right? Hence, it makes sense not to approach your work in an unfocused, undirected way. Don’t dive head first into the topic. That’s the way that would actually cost you a lot of time. Instead, create a study game plan where you

• specify the day you begin to prepare for your exams
• create a daily schedule of tasks you want to accomplish during exam preparation
• create a detailed to-do-list, (keep a close eye on what is really important)
• enumerate the books you need to read (better: just the important sections you really need to know for the test)
• itemize the various tasks and exercises you want to do for preparation

Depending on the difficulty of your exams and how many weeks and months you have for studying, you could also categorize the weeks/months for preparation into different phases, from I. basic refreshment of knowledge, II. studying, revision and exercise to III. intensive cracking down – social life on hold.

How to do it the smart way?

A clear goal that you pursue gradually with your plan helps you to avoid many extra-hours, but it also allows you to direct your focus on the important.

2. Summarize

I’ve had many exams about the content of an entire book, most of these books in the range of 500-1200 pages. And even if you have only some chapters from a book/journal to read for the test, I highly recommend you to create summaries, while working through the book. That way, you establish the fundament on which you can build upon, during the upcoming study phase, without having to read the book all over again. But you also train yourself to quickly identify the key statements in large texts that are very likely to be tested in the exam. As a consequence, it’ll be easier for you to skip large amounts of irrelevant data, while sifting through the book.

3. Separate the wheat from the chaff

While you listen to a lecture or read through a textbook, give the following a try: Separate continuously information that is important (“Could this knowledge be tested in an exam?”) from the unimportant (“Is my teacher digressing or listing irrelevant data?”). Take notes of the important points your professor/teacher talks about and add annotations to your script or lecture notes. Making these important additions to your script will help you at a later time to grasp important coherences. You can also highlight important sentences or passages from the text, so that you can easily avoid reading through large amounts of unimportant data in your script.

B) Mindset

1. When you study, give 110%

When I went to school, I almost always had to study for long periods of time in order to memorize and understand given contents. The big mistake I made was to study hard and for long periods of time, but I was not always focused on what I did. I got distracted by my mobile phone, the internet, TV, radio, telephone, friends or any other amusement one can think of. Nowadays, when I study I always give a 110%; I reduce distractions to a minimum and give my very best to avoid procrastination. I may have a time limit of 1-2 hours, but I want to make use of that time as much as possible. Thereafter, I have even more leisure time.

How to study smart:

When you study, do it in a focused and proper way, avoid any kinds of distractions and use the time you have to the maximum!

2. Continuity

Doing all-nighters some days before your examinations will not only exhaust you to a large degree, but will also force you to rush through the data, in place of studying properly. Instead of opting for all-nighters, consider spending half an hour after each day at university with post-treatment, i.e. reading a chapter in the book, making a summary or doing some exercises. All this preliminary work will help you to spend more time with studying (during your exam preparation period), instead of having to engage with all kinds of inefficient tasks, such as extracting data from your books, trying to grasps (arithmetic) operations and building an understanding etc.

Why is that smart?

If you already did the groundwork during the term, you’ll be able to focus a lot more on smart ways of studying.

C) The main part of “studying smart”

1. Don’t try to memorize, understand!

One of the major mistakes I made – when studying hard not smart – was to learn by heart, which is really time-intensive. Rote memorization is fine and dandy if an upcoming exam requires you to reproduce what you have learned word for word. But the higher you rise in the educational system, the less important will it be to memorize and reproduce, as your understanding and the ability to draw consequences will be tested instead.

In most cases, memorization corresponds to studying hard, not smart. Focus your attention on the understanding and comprehension of the knowledge that is taught.

But: How to understand complex topics?

Establish links and associations

Information becomes knowledge through connections. If you cannot relate to a complex topic, it’ll be very difficult to understand it. But, when you discover similarities and link new knowledge with concepts that you already comprehend, understanding the matter becomes easier. Try to spot ties between different topics and establish links between concepts that overlap.

Imagine the subject matter as vivid as possible. Instead of recognizing the fact that the material you study consists of numbers, words and sentences, think in pictures (headword: visually thinking). By doing so, you direct a movie in your mind that will help you to memorize facts faster and for a longer period. What you basically do is the association of emotions (in the form of pictures) with rather unemotional data. It is difficult to memorize the numbers “483215”, but if you link each number with a picture and create a funny story out of it, it will be very easy to memorize the number-combination for a longer period of time. [By the way, this is THE memory trick artists use to memorize seemingly-indefinite number combinations.]

Emotions

Connecting emotions with your subject will greatly help you to internalize the topic. Have fun while studying! It’s for a fact that remembering things we associate intensive feelings with is by far easier. Also, if you’re really interested in a subject matter, learning becomes a lot more joyous. Once you manage to become curious about your subject and develop an interest in it, you’ve made an important step towards a smarter way of studying.

Simplification through analogies

In school and university you’ll be confronted with various complex facts and circumstances. Make use of analogies [= comparisons] and try to compare a very complicated issue with a more simplified one, which makes it easier to understand the bigger picture of that which is taught.

Simplification through patterning

While you study, make sure to pay attention to continual patterns within the subject matter that occur again and again. By noticing and understanding these reoccurring patterns, you begin to understand the framework on which the topic is constructed. Once you have a good overview of such a framework, the acquisition of new information that is based on the same pattern will be a lot less difficult.

Make use of acronyms

If you’re confronted with difficult, specialist words, names or formula, an acronym can be an excellent aide-memoir for the memorization of the word or formula. Take for instance the rather simplex name “Enhanced Health and Usage Diagnostic System”. It’s acronym is “EHUDS”, which sounds like “e-hud’s” or “e-hat’s”. All you have to do now is to think about electronic hat’s and you’ll most likely be able to come up with the acronym “EHUDS”, from which you can rebuilt the original name.

2. Keep the bigger picture in mind

The constructing of a car can serve as example of the learning process. Your professor supplies the “know how” during his lectures, for instance the detailed knowledge how an engine works. The textbooks and other learning materials supply you with the chassis, frame, tires and bolts. But, it is up to the student to make use of the know how, in order to use it for the combination of the delivered material. It’s the student’s job to put the car together and to keep the bigger picture of what is taught in mind.

If the student stubbornly tries to memorize the position of each part in the car, he/she will not be able to (re-)construct a car from a thousand of individual parts. Memorizing the different names of each part will not help either.

Only by keeping in mind that the know how and material are at one’s disposal for the creation of a car, the student can effectively prepare for an upcoming test.

3. Perfect your type of studying

There are basically four basic types of studying: Visual, Auditory, Emotional and Kinesthetic.

1. Visual Learners: A visual learner studies most effective when the learning material is depicted in a visual way, e.g. in the form of charts, maps or brainstorming.
2. Auditory Learners: An auditory learner studies most effectively by hearing the information, for instance in a lecture or by recording their own words.
3. Emotional Learners: An emotional learner studies most effectively by associating feelings, emotions and vivid images with the information.
4. Kinesthetic Learners: A kinesthetic learner studies most effective when the information can be experienced and felt, i.e. via “learning by doing”.

Read more on the different types of studying on Effective Study Methods

In order to study in the smartest possible way you need to discover which type of studying you prefer. Once you know what works best for you, align your process of learning to make the most out of it. Students that are mathematically talented should put their notes into spreadsheets, graphs and charts; kinesthetic learners imagine the learning material as vivid as possible; linguistic learners discuss the material with others or record their voice while reading the subject out-loud, etc.

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• How to get motivated to study?
• Dealing with difficult professor personalities
• Become king of college
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If you could travel 200 years back in time, you would not only become THE special guest at every event, but you would also be the one that has a lot to narrate about “the future” from which you were coming from. Something that I find truly fascinating is the thought of explaining our modern lifestyle to someone who lived in the 19th century. I guess it would be utterly difficult to explain most of what we do all the day, when keeping in mind that you would be speaking to ordinary farmers and workmen, who never heard of PC’s, Smartphones, Television or even the Internet.

So, how would you tell them that the people of our sophisticated civilization regularly came home from work, ate something and started staring at moving pictures projected on a flat portal called “television” – for hours, day after day? How would you explain them, that we are nowadays so advanced, that we can interact and speak with each other over huge distances of hundreds of thousands of miles, but also that a lot of us hardly meet each other face to face on a day-to-day base, as we have become used to meet our friends in a virtual reality called “cyberspace”, rather than in reality. What do you think would be the reaction of the people living in the 19th century if you told them that we are connected with all our friends, bosses and colleagues 24-7, thanks to small devices that we carry wherever we go?

Well, I believe that it would be rather difficult to explain most of the things that we are totally used to, but I also think that the reaction of your listeners wouldn’t be all too positive! After all, they might think that we have become robot-like humans that mostly gain knowledge by accessing a huge “hive mind”, called the internet, in which nearly every data about our past and present is stored.

Living a month without the internet would not have been difficult for a person that was living 200 years earlier. But for many of us who have experienced how addictive the dotcom is, how effectively it captures your mind and how entertaining it is – in so many different ways – it might be quite a challenge to unplug from the internet for a month. For all those who use the internet to connect with their friends, buy things online and gather important information for their jobs and studies, it would be tremendously difficult to abandon the internet just for a week. That’s the reason I hit on the idea to start this self-experiment and decided to waive the internet for exactly one month.

30 days without the internet – unplugged

The internet has become an indispensable part of our everyday life and since it became available to the vast majority of people on this planet we spend more and more time online with every year to come (see graph below).

Over the time, the internet grew to an effective tool that allowed us to do a variety of things, from educating ourselves to sharing one’s ideas with like-minded people. I believe that nowadays you don’t need to be an internet addict to be painfully affected if the internet would break down from one day to another. Just think about yourself and how often you turn on the computer to access the internet when you need some important information; when you check a road-map on your Smartphone, or glance at the latest headlines from your tablet computer. Same goes for all the students and pupils that research online for further learning materials, the travelers that book their tickets online and everyone else who makes use of the internet to ease his life a little bit.

The reason I chose to plug off the internet for one month lies therein that I consider myself as a person who would be really affected when the internet suddenly breaks down. Not that I’m very fond of the idea of being online 24-7, but I felt that I more often spend my time online in a rather unproductive way, even if it was just half an hour a day. I wanted to know how it feels to live completely offline for more than just a week – something I haven’t done for years – and wanted to see how being offline affected my life and the relationship I have towards my work/study, friends and colleagues, but also the relationship with myself. I was interested to know, whether I would be spending a lot more time with my personal-growth, or if I would give my best to distract myself until I could finally access the internet, once again.

The rules

I hate rules same as everyone else does, so I kept the rules for my self-experiment pretty short and formulated only one rule:

Rule #1: No internet – under any circumstances.

I think that’s a very easy rule that doesn’t leave too much room for loopholes. But, when speaking of loopholes I think I should clarify that the “no internet rule” also applies for Smartphones, Mobile Phones, tablet computers, notebooks/laptops, computers, fax machines and the like. However, I’ve allowed myself to use all of the above named devices (except the fax, tablet computer and Smartphone) for offline activities such as writing an article – this one for instance. Furthermore, the “no internet rule” also applies for internet cafes/cybercafes, wireless LAN networks, my friend’s houses and their computers and Smartphones, the library and everywhere else where I could access the internet “illicitly” during the time of my no internet self-experiment.

My experiences

I went offline from Sunday, January 01, 2012 till Thursday, January 31, 2012. Here’s my experience:

Phase I: Sobering-up

As a precautionary measure, I unplugged the Ethernet cable and hid it in a staple of boxes in my basement, one day before the self-experiment began. Luckily, I do not have a Smartphone – or any Mobile Phone that is able to go online for that matter; also I do not posses tablet computers or a game console, which means I disconnected my home entirely from the dotcom by hiding that cable. I have no Wi-Fi network or anything else that could lead me into temptation to reconnect from a hotspot. Once again, lucky me.

At the morning of the first day, I got up, ate my breakfast as always, flipped through the headlines of the newspaper and read the sports section. Everything went as usual, until I turned on the computer and was abruptly reminded by the “unable to connect” error message that popped up, informing me I had no longer access to the internet. “Oh no, the experiment,” was my first thought - true enthusiasm sounds different. At that moment I was facing the severe reality: I was disconnected, cut-off and separated. And this wouldn’t change for the next 30 days. Internet withdrawal doesn’t feel good; it’s uncomfortable, unpleasant and makes you realize how difficult life without an internet connection can be.

The biggest challenge about disconnecting cold-turkey lies not so much therein that the massive stream of information you had access to is suddenly intermitted; it lies a lot more in the imagination of your mind. All of a sudden, the most creative and juicy ideas will pop into your mind, suggesting what amazing things you could do, if you only were online right now. “You could research this, write about that, check on Facebook about upcoming events you’re invited to. By the way, maybe you have forgotten that one of your friends has birthday, better check on Facebook!” Also, there is this omnipresent and very obtrusive feeling that you are missing something very important, which is quite a struggle – especially in the first week.

And in fact, you are going to miss major news and updates that are relevant to you; I don’t want to make you any false hopes in this regard. I became the last who got to know about current developments in the world; mostly my friends would inform me and anything else could be found in the newspaper at the next morning.

Phase II: Distraction

From day one I realized that being offline is much better to deal with when you are distracted, especially while being at home. Diverting myself by the use of a TV was not an option for me, as that would be like replacing one vice with another. I did however discover some old, yet amazing, books I delved into. Remaining distracted at home can be a challenge at times, but being diverted in the day-to-day life was comparatively simple with having to work, attend university and all the social activities. I realized that the longer I was away from home, the easier it was to accomplish my challenge of being disconnected for 30 days. So one of my strategies to deal with being offline would be to work longer, sneak into the library more often or call one of my friends to do something together.

I think its safe to say that after the first week it became a lot easier for me to ignore the desire to go online until it slowly began to fade away. Every once in a while I would be reminded about my challenge when I saw many of my fellow-students engrossed in their Smartphones, but as I do not own one of these it wasn’t much of a challenge to ignore that as usual.

Phase III: Acceptance

After a while, you get used to the state of being disconnected. Even more so, you fully begin to accept it, as the advantages of being offline present themselves right in front of your eyes. Surely, the need to reconnect will come up every now and then, especially when you urgently need certain information. But, most if not all the time-consumptive online-activities, like checking your emails or Facebook notifications begin to look less and less meaningful to you, once you accepted the fact of not being able to connect to the internet.

Phase IV: Realizing the advantages

Instead of surfing the internet for entertainment, in most cases without a real aim or destination, I would sit down to meditate. I would open an insightful book or have a fantastic conversation. I would grab my camera and discover new places, take amazing shots of things/architecture out on the streets I’ve never had the time to admire. Also, I would just sit around and reflect on my life, deeply and profoundly, without being abstracted or driven to check the latest headlines. I became engulfed in my own thoughts, and not in those of another person.

Interestingly, I began to come up with some brilliant ideas in various areas. Instead of staring onto a white screen, aimless on the lookout for new concepts on the net, interesting conceptions began to find me, easily and without any effort. That’s what the switch from a technological stream of information to a more natural flow of ideas feels like.

The Outcome of the Self-Experiment

I realized that without the continuous distraction the internet provides I feel a lot more relaxed. It was easier for me to set priorities and spend more time in a productive way, instead of allowing it to pass by unused. It felt like awakening from a deep slumber and with this awakening came the realization that the internet definitely can be a very useful tool, but it can also become an addiction that captures your mind on a certain level, holding you back of what you could be truly capable of. It is the re-remembering of what you were truly designed to be: a human and not a calibrated robot that connects back to its network as often as possible, in order to receive the latest updates about the most irrelevant things.

A huge bonus of disconnecting was that I would procrastinate much less, for instance when working on an article. Normally, I would easily allow myself to get distracted by the internet as soon as writers block would occur, allowing me to postpone my task indefinitely. However, without the internet one big distraction was taken from me, leaving me only with two alternatives in such a situation: either interrupting on what I was working on, or pondering about the problem until I would come up with another idea, allowing me to continue writing.

The Conclusion

Living disconnected from the internet in a society where everyone is online 24-7 can be a though ride, but it is possible. Moreover it can be a very valuable experience, as long as you do not consider the internet withdrawal as a self-punishment. Once you let go of all the unimportant ego-related stuff, like the constant need for entertainment, or the desire to be always up to date about literally everything that is happening in the world, being disconnected has the potential to enrich your life in a subtle way. You will notice that you spend more time with yourself, instead of mulling over the actions of others (celebrities, sportsman and politicians). Being offline may exclude you at times, it will make you look stupid when you’re the last to get to know some major news and it will cut you off from all those friends that you can only reach via the internet. But on the other hand, it gives you the opportunity to get to know yourself much better and to meet friends you haven’t seen for a while in real life. And – if nothing else – it will certainly help you to be more focused on the important things in life, to be more determined about your real goals and all the projects you have successfully procrastinated for the last months or years.

The internet will break down one day, hopefully just temporarily, but one day it will be permanent. I can proudly say I’m prepared. Are you?

You might also find this article interesting:

How I stopped wasting time online

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